[ Setting out a particularly thick chocolate milkshake. ]
Might be some ancestral genetic carry-over equating to "the alcohol didn't kill me, so live and eat well".
You're going to need the sugar. [ Is this old hat? Absolutely. Running his own bar meant that he routinely had to check in on hungover friends and regulars looking to drown their woes in whatever was available.
Unwrapping his own burger now and shaking his head as a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. ] So, just out of curiosity, how did this failed not-date start out?
[ Eddie does not need to be told twice and instantly snatches up the milkshake, sipping from it greedily. Already the headache is starting to diminish, and he feels a lot less like his skull is going to crack open from the pressure.
He sighs as he leans back against the couch, tapping his finger, using the ring against the plastic cup to tap out a beat. ]
Right...that. [ He lets out a sigh and as he closes his eyes it turns into more of a groan at the end. ] We've been hanging out more and more lately, smoking together and shit. I don't know, maybe it was just the weed but I really thought he was flirting with me.
What bothers me is that he's the one that asked me out for drinks. So, yeah, I'm just kind of confused right now.
i can see it now, josh giving the Talk to steve HAHAHA
[ The way Josh reacts to that little bit of information gives Eddie hope that maybe he hasn't been reading this whole situation wrong. Because it is strange, right? That Steve asked him out for drinks and suddenly changed his mind.
But Eddie's traitorous mind thinks that maybe he never meant for it to be construed as a date, and when he realized how it looked, he panicked and didn't show up. Because otherwise, not just reach out and talk about this? ]
Yeah. I don't know, like. It's fine, if he doesn't want to do this [ he gestures with his hand, referring to the whole dating thing ] I just wish he'd tell me so I don't get my hopes up.
Look. [ He sighs. ] Way I see it, Harrington's the kind of guy who grew up around Expectations. That can be rough for anyone.
[ Josh hasn't actually gotten the opportunity to speak to the boy at length, doesn't know his life story. But he's seen the way Steve fusses like a mother hen over the younger kids—it was at the gas station. Henderson and the other young'uns had been spiritedly debating over something or another and Harrington had been watching them with fond exasperation while waiting for the tank to fill.
He'd been refilling his bike, had chuckled when Henderson had bellowed a firm, non-negotiable NO and Harrington had looked his way to shrug his shoulders all kids, what can you do.
Levelling Eddie with another Look. ] But I also know that you don't make assumptions out of nowhere, Ed. So, before you spiral into auto self-rejection mode: why don't you list me the things you and Harrington talked about when you hung out? And also anything that stood out to you.
[ It is helpful to have that extra bit of perspective. Josh is able to view this from a more neutral position, and can see things that Eddie might not pick up on. Sure, he could wallow in his own misery like he normally does, but Josh might actually be able to help him out here. ]
I don't know, we were talking about music, I remember that. He mentioned listening to Black Sabbath just because I mentioned Ozzy, and that while he doesn't like all of it, he does like some songs.
He, uh. We talked about Dustin, and Hellfire Club for a bit. How much he appreciates me giving the kids a place to just let loose and have fun and not worry about the shitty state of the world. [ By now, he starts to feel like it's harder to breathe, because as he recounts it to Josh, it really does feel like a connection was there. But what was he missing? He must have missed something. ]
He said we should go out for drinks sometime, that we should get to have fun and not worry about the shitty state of the world, too.
be careful, josh is an enabler also have some feelings
[ He's staring at the ceiling, letting himself be occupied by the weird residual aura he gets from the patched-up spot smack in the middle of it. He noticed it before, even from outside, but it's something he's repeatedly put off because stories are best when they're not entirely pried from unwilling lips.
Ignore the soft thinking sounds he's making as he takes another puff, finishing off the cigarette before he rises to hunt up an ashtray.
Truthfully, he's never been one to force the subject of sexuality to anyone. Everyone has their own timeline. Most folks, unfortunately, don't even get to the point where they can look in the mirror and accept themselves for who they are.
He knows a little of what Harrington's home life might be like—at least, minus absentee parents who are too busy being preoccupied with themselves than actually parenting their child. Because while he hasn't spoken to them in a long, long while, his parents figured him out before he actually did.
Harrington was a good son. Worse, an only son. And the problem with sons who were good or who aspired to be good is that they had the nasty habit of taking responsibility for fucking everything or nothing at all. Steve Harrington, by his estimates, after snooping around and picking up information—had been the former before he flung himself into being the latter. ]
Does Harrington sound like the type to actually not worry about the shitty state of well—anything?
[ He's never told this to Eddie, didn't want to worry his brother from another mother, clearly younger friend, but. Harrington had an awful habit of throwing himself in harm's way. Almost as if he was constantly trying to make up for some kind of unforgivable mistake. ]
Edited 2022-09-07 14:50 (UTC)
it's like you knew i was already deep in my steve feelings
[ The fact that Josh takes a while to respond to all of that doesn't worry Eddie in the least. He always has been introspective and scarily good at reading people, so he can be as patient as he needs to be if it means getting an insightful response.
And the question that Josh poses does cause him to think for a moment. He hasn't known Steve as long as he wished he had. He knows there are some parts to his past that he hasn't been privy to. Dustin has left little hints, but it's obvious that there are some things that are even too intense for Dustin to share with him.
And it's not like Steve owes him that part of him. They're still pretty new to this whole friendship thing, and while Eddie would love to see even more below the surface, that's the sort of thing that just comes with time and patience. ]
No, I guess not. [ He remembers the way Steve just dove right into the water, putting himself at risk so nobody else would have to. He remembers the way Steve looked when he held a bottle to his throat, as if he had resigned himself to his fate, almost as if he were glad it was him and not one of the others. ]
I guess I just wish he'd let me in, then, you know? [ He buries his face in his hands and rubs at his eyes, feeling his muscles start to ache as all the stress of that whole week in hiding starts coming back to him. ] Not that it's an easy ask, I know. I just...really thought we were getting somewhere.
Maybe you were. [ It's hard. Opening up. Especially when you're used to shouldering so much of the burdens with the logic that maybe it means you'll never be one. ] Everyone on their own timeline and whatnot.
[ Settling back beside Eddie at that and taking a bite out of his own burger. ] Have you tried checking in with him since?
[ Josh has always been good at making Eddie think. He appreciates that now more than ever, because he could have very well continued to spiral and convinced himself Steve hates him.
But maybe that's not actually the case. Maybe they just need to talk. ]
I haven't. I guess...I was kind of scared he wouldn't talk to me.
[ Excuse the fact that his eyebrows shoot up. Here, have a look that says, simply: Munson. ]
Think about it this way. [ A pause, while take a long pull from his own milkshake. ] Who's to say that Harrington's equally not freaking out over the fact that you'd be mad at being stood up.
[ Well, shit. When Josh puts it that way, Eddie kind of feels like a dick that he jumped to so many conclusions without considering that Steve might have been spiraling, beating himself up over this. It does seem like a very Steve Harrington thing to do. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I guess you have a point. Should I...should I call? Go visit him? I've never...I mean, before him everything I've done has always been mostly, uh physical? As in very little emotional attachment, so I'm not sure what I should be doing at this point...
Before I offer any advice I have one question: fluffy, I-am-attracted-to-you feelings aside, would you consider Harrington a friend?
[ Because it's important. Because they don't know enough about what's going on in Stevie-boy's head. Josh will always choose to err on the side of "maybe it won't work out romantically, but that doesn't mean it won't work out", but clearly, it's not his feelings on the line, it's Eddie's. ]
Meaning, which is more important—that the feeling is mutual or that Harrington continues to be in your life?
[ Oh, this question hurts. It hurts because it hadn't even dawned on him that if he doesn't play this right, he could lose Harrington completely. He doesn't know if he could stand a life without Steve in it at all, even if he couldn't be with him the way he wishes he could. ]
Of course he's my friend. I...I won't pretend I'm not crazy about him, in a way that's probably insane, but I don't think I could stand not having him in my life at all.
is this a sandman reference? timeline is wrong but noey no curr
Call him. [ It's both the look on Eddie's face and the way he responds that prompts the words from him. ] Or just, check in. Hell, use Dustin as a go-between if you need to.
[ Because from what he's seen, Harrington and Eddie seem to have this weird, co-parenting gig already in place with the Henderson boy.
He takes a breath, lights up another cigarette. ]
Don't profess your love off the bat— [ Is he saying this to snap Eddie out of the spiral he might be in? Maybe ] —but you know, a quick "your excuse for standing me up better be that a crazy wannabe sorcerer locked you in a glass globe in his basement" can't hurt.
[ He could use Henderson as a neutral third-party and gather intel. But it feels too impersonal, and Eddie's always been shit when it comes to self preservation. ]
Okay. I'll call. Just to check in, make sure he's okay. And, you know, make damn well sure he knows I'm not okay with being jerked around.
[ As much of a douchebag as Steve used to be, he isn't sure Steve would be that cruel as to play around with Eddie's feelings so callously. So maybe they will get through this, talk this out, find out what all went wrong. Maybe it would all work out.
He has to hope, anyway. ]
You'll be around in case I need a pick me up afterwards, yeah?
watch it pls josh would shove it at eddie at first issue publication lol
[ That makes him smile. ] Your next case of beer is on me.
[ Doing that neat trick of exhaling smoke and breathing it back into his nostrils now—don't judge. ]
I know Harrington's aspiring to be the male version of The Lioness Farrah Fawcett, but I don't think the amount of hairspray he uses is capable of impairing his judgement where it concerns friends. Softly now: Seriously though, he probably didn't mean it. Hawkins has freaky spooky energy, so I think that warrants a "maybe he just got caught up with soemething".
only a few years out from that, eddie would love it
[ Well, at least Eddie has stopped spiraling. There isn't much to be done until he can talk to Steve, and that's probably not going to happen at least until later tonight. ]
Spooky energy's definitely one way of putting it. [ He had hoped that if trouble ever came back to Hawkins, Eddie would be looped in, that he was part of the party now.
But Steve always did have one of those complexes where he's convinced himself he needs to focus all attention on himself so that everyone else can stay safe. ]
I mean, you're probably right. I'm still gonna torture him about this after the fact, if all goes well though. [ He can't help the small smirk that appears. Assuming it was an honest misunderstanding, he definitely can't let Steve live this one down. ]
You do that. [ Chuckling now. ] Get Henderson to take a video if at all possible.
[ Because of course he'd like to be in the peanut gallery watching things unfold.
He's back to staring at the ceiling now; a little tense and braced for the possibility of the plywood getting knocked down by something on the other side. ]
So, Ed. Care to explain to me why that patched-up hole in your roof creeps me a fuck out?
[ He'd never asked before. None of the kids mentioned it beyond vague explanations mumbled under their breaths and he wasn't inclined to pry. ]
[ There's a small noise -- something like a snort -- from Eddie as he laughs at Josh's idea to have Dustin document everything. Yeah, that was a surefire way to end up scarring the kid for life.
And then his smile fades as Josh asks about the hole in the ceiling. He has tried to ignore that it's there all this time, because the moment he hones in on it--
White tennis shoes lifting off the ground, Eddie frozen in place as he watches in horror as bone after bone goes CRACK, all culminating on some supernatural force crushing her --
His face pales as he averts his gaze, unable to look at Josh as he speaks. There's still shame there, even though he knows now that there is nothing he could have done.]
You remember how everyone always calls this town cursed? [ He pauses to push himself up onto his feet, pacing nervously just to give him something to do because he knows he's going to be a jittery mess if he stays seated. ]
Right before you got here, there was this...well he was a person at one point. He would get into your mind, use your fears against you, and then kill you to open a rift between this world and the place where he was trapped. The first one just so happened to be right here. [ With a chilling, sardonic grin, he opens his arms to gesture right at the spot where he's standing. ]
[ He tenses as Eddie explains. There's death in this room. It lingers, even if the plasm has drained away leaving a yawning silence. ]
Who was it?
[ That died here, he means. Because most people would have opted to move somewhere else. Some other place where the memories wouldn't be etched in the walls. ]
[ Eddie hasn't spoken about this since Vecna was defeated. It had been buried deep within, locked in a box where he swore he would leave it be, rather than process it and find the strength to move on from it. As if he's stuck in a cycle of running, ignoring, pretending. ]
Chrissy Cunningham.
[ His voice cracks as he clenches his eyes shut and draws in a deep breath, letting it out shakily. ]
She just wanted something strong, to help her sleep. She didn't deserve any of it.
I'm sorry, man. [ He reaches out, hand coming over the younger man's shoulder to offer an apologetic squeeze. ] We don't have to talk about it, if you'd rather not.
[ He'd like to know. He's glimpsed the scars left on everyone—the kids, Harrington, the girls. Nancy Wheeler has haunted eyes. He's seen that look and he only hopes that one day she'll get the chance to leave this town and come home to set her ghosts to rest. In all the years since he figured out the world was weirder than it should be, it's easier to move past shit if you're young. If the weirdness catches you when you're old enough, it has the bad tendency to leave scars. ]
[ There's something comforting about Josh in a way that nobody else has managed to help him. He isn't sure if it's because Josh wasn't involved in this business or if there's something else to it, but that squeeze to his shoulder does so much to ground him. ]
I appreciate it, man. Maybe one day it'll be easier to talk about. Just...it still feels like it just happened, you know?
[ He knows he should leave this place behind. He isn't sure what's keeping him here, specifically rooted to this trailer. He could stay in Hawkins, find an apartment, not feel like he's completely abanodoning everything.
Maybe a small part of him feels like he needs to stay, rooted in guilt. ]
When you feel like it. [ Sometimes, he finds that people need permission to go through their grief. People do it. Ghosts do it. Then again, ghosts are just facsimiles of people.
This place will always have that touch of death. If Eddie chooses to stay, he'll have to learn to make peace with it. ] There's no timeline on grief, you know.
[ Tugging a cigarette from his pack and offering it to Eddie. ]
So. Now that you have your action plan for Hawkins' wayward prince, what else is on the agenda?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i really love them cry
Might be some ancestral genetic carry-over equating to "the alcohol didn't kill me, so live and eat well".
You're going to need the sugar. [ Is this old hat? Absolutely. Running his own bar meant that he routinely had to check in on hungover friends and regulars looking to drown their woes in whatever was available.
Unwrapping his own burger now and shaking his head as a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. ] So, just out of curiosity, how did this failed not-date start out?
[ He's not a fan of beating around the bush. ]
i love them so much they are so pure ;_;
He sighs as he leans back against the couch, tapping his finger, using the ring against the plastic cup to tap out a beat. ]
Right...that. [ He lets out a sigh and as he closes his eyes it turns into more of a groan at the end. ] We've been hanging out more and more lately, smoking together and shit. I don't know, maybe it was just the weed but I really thought he was flirting with me.
What bothers me is that he's the one that asked me out for drinks. So, yeah, I'm just kind of confused right now.
i can see it now, josh giving the Talk to steve HAHAHA
[ He leans forward on the counter, a look of utter disbelief crossing his features. ]
Harrington. Asked you out for drinks. And then didn't show.
[ He's joining Eddie on that couch and tapping out a cigarette. Have a Look, Munson, with matching quirk of his left brow. ]
Now I'm convinced that either something big happened or the boy got cold feet.
oh no please i need this somehow
But Eddie's traitorous mind thinks that maybe he never meant for it to be construed as a date, and when he realized how it looked, he panicked and didn't show up. Because otherwise, not just reach out and talk about this? ]
Yeah. I don't know, like. It's fine, if he doesn't want to do this [ he gestures with his hand, referring to the whole dating thing ] I just wish he'd tell me so I don't get my hopes up.
let's make it happen lmfao
[ Josh hasn't actually gotten the opportunity to speak to the boy at length, doesn't know his life story. But he's seen the way Steve fusses like a mother hen over the younger kids—it was at the gas station. Henderson and the other young'uns had been spiritedly debating over something or another and Harrington had been watching them with fond exasperation while waiting for the tank to fill.
He'd been refilling his bike, had chuckled when Henderson had bellowed a firm, non-negotiable NO and Harrington had looked his way to shrug his shoulders all kids, what can you do.
Levelling Eddie with another Look. ] But I also know that you don't make assumptions out of nowhere, Ed. So, before you spiral into auto self-rejection mode: why don't you list me the things you and Harrington talked about when you hung out? And also anything that stood out to you.
[ Context. He needs more context. ]
just casually rope a steve into this mess
I don't know, we were talking about music, I remember that. He mentioned listening to Black Sabbath just because I mentioned Ozzy, and that while he doesn't like all of it, he does like some songs.
He, uh. We talked about Dustin, and Hellfire Club for a bit. How much he appreciates me giving the kids a place to just let loose and have fun and not worry about the shitty state of the world. [ By now, he starts to feel like it's harder to breathe, because as he recounts it to Josh, it really does feel like a connection was there. But what was he missing? He must have missed something. ]
He said we should go out for drinks sometime, that we should get to have fun and not worry about the shitty state of the world, too.
be careful, josh is an enabler also have some feelings
Ignore the soft thinking sounds he's making as he takes another puff, finishing off the cigarette before he rises to hunt up an ashtray.
Truthfully, he's never been one to force the subject of sexuality to anyone. Everyone has their own timeline. Most folks, unfortunately, don't even get to the point where they can look in the mirror and accept themselves for who they are.
He knows a little of what Harrington's home life might be like—at least, minus absentee parents who are too busy being preoccupied with themselves than actually parenting their child. Because while he hasn't spoken to them in a long, long while, his parents figured him out before he actually did.
Harrington was a good son. Worse, an only son. And the problem with sons who were good or who aspired to be good is that they had the nasty habit of taking responsibility for fucking everything or nothing at all. Steve Harrington, by his estimates, after snooping around and picking up information—had been the former before he flung himself into being the latter. ]
Does Harrington sound like the type to actually not worry about the shitty state of well—anything?
[ He's never told this to Eddie, didn't want to worry his
brother from another mother, clearlyyounger friend, but. Harrington had an awful habit of throwing himself in harm's way. Almost as if he was constantly trying to make up for some kind of unforgivable mistake. ]it's like you knew i was already deep in my steve feelings
And the question that Josh poses does cause him to think for a moment. He hasn't known Steve as long as he wished he had. He knows there are some parts to his past that he hasn't been privy to. Dustin has left little hints, but it's obvious that there are some things that are even too intense for Dustin to share with him.
And it's not like Steve owes him that part of him. They're still pretty new to this whole friendship thing, and while Eddie would love to see even more below the surface, that's the sort of thing that just comes with time and patience. ]
No, I guess not. [ He remembers the way Steve just dove right into the water, putting himself at risk so nobody else would have to. He remembers the way Steve looked when he held a bottle to his throat, as if he had resigned himself to his fate, almost as if he were glad it was him and not one of the others. ]
I guess I just wish he'd let me in, then, you know? [ He buries his face in his hands and rubs at his eyes, feeling his muscles start to ache as all the stress of that whole week in hiding starts coming back to him. ] Not that it's an easy ask, I know. I just...really thought we were getting somewhere.
i mean lbr steve does that
[ Settling back beside Eddie at that and taking a bite out of his own burger. ] Have you tried checking in with him since?
he really fucking does
But maybe that's not actually the case. Maybe they just need to talk. ]
I haven't. I guess...I was kind of scared he wouldn't talk to me.
no subject
Think about it this way. [ A pause, while take a long pull from his own milkshake. ] Who's to say that Harrington's equally not freaking out over the fact that you'd be mad at being stood up.
[ Is he an optimist? Hell, yeah. ]
no subject
Yeah. Yeah, I guess you have a point. Should I...should I call? Go visit him? I've never...I mean, before him everything I've done has always been mostly, uh physical? As in very little emotional attachment, so I'm not sure what I should be doing at this point...
no subject
[ Because it's important. Because they don't know enough about what's going on in Stevie-boy's head. Josh will always choose to err on the side of "maybe it won't work out romantically, but that doesn't mean it won't work out", but clearly, it's not his feelings on the line, it's Eddie's. ]
Meaning, which is more important—that the feeling is mutual or that Harrington continues to be in your life?
no subject
Of course he's my friend. I...I won't pretend I'm not crazy about him, in a way that's probably insane, but I don't think I could stand not having him in my life at all.
is this a sandman reference? timeline is wrong but noey no curr
[ Because from what he's seen, Harrington and Eddie seem to have this weird, co-parenting gig already in place with the Henderson boy.
He takes a breath, lights up another cigarette. ]
Don't profess your love off the bat— [ Is he saying this to snap Eddie out of the spiral he might be in? Maybe ] —but you know, a quick "your excuse for standing me up better be that a crazy wannabe sorcerer locked you in a glass globe in his basement" can't hurt.
i still need to see that
Okay. I'll call. Just to check in, make sure he's okay. And, you know, make damn well sure he knows I'm not okay with being jerked around.
[ As much of a douchebag as Steve used to be, he isn't sure Steve would be that cruel as to play around with Eddie's feelings so callously. So maybe they will get through this, talk this out, find out what all went wrong. Maybe it would all work out.
He has to hope, anyway. ]
You'll be around in case I need a pick me up afterwards, yeah?
watch it pls josh would shove it at eddie at first issue publication lol
[ Doing that neat trick of exhaling smoke and breathing it back into his nostrils now—don't judge. ]
I know Harrington's aspiring to be the male version of The Lioness Farrah Fawcett, but I don't think the amount of hairspray he uses is capable of impairing his judgement where it concerns friends. Softly now: Seriously though, he probably didn't mean it. Hawkins has freaky spooky energy, so I think that warrants a "maybe he just got caught up with soemething".
only a few years out from that, eddie would love it
Spooky energy's definitely one way of putting it. [ He had hoped that if trouble ever came back to Hawkins, Eddie would be looped in, that he was part of the party now.
But Steve always did have one of those complexes where he's convinced himself he needs to focus all attention on himself so that everyone else can stay safe. ]
I mean, you're probably right. I'm still gonna torture him about this after the fact, if all goes well though. [ He can't help the small smirk that appears. Assuming it was an honest misunderstanding, he definitely can't let Steve live this one down. ]
no subject
[ Because of course he'd like to be in the peanut gallery watching things unfold.
He's back to staring at the ceiling now; a little tense and braced for the possibility of the plywood getting knocked down by something on the other side. ]
So, Ed. Care to explain to me why that patched-up hole in your roof creeps me a fuck out?
[ He'd never asked before. None of the kids mentioned it beyond vague explanations mumbled under their breaths and he wasn't inclined to pry. ]
no subject
And then his smile fades as Josh asks about the hole in the ceiling. He has tried to ignore that it's there all this time, because the moment he hones in on it--
White tennis shoes lifting off the ground, Eddie frozen in place as he watches in horror as bone after bone goes CRACK, all culminating on some supernatural force crushing her --
His face pales as he averts his gaze, unable to look at Josh as he speaks. There's still shame there, even though he knows now that there is nothing he could have done.]
You remember how everyone always calls this town cursed? [ He pauses to push himself up onto his feet, pacing nervously just to give him something to do because he knows he's going to be a jittery mess if he stays seated. ]
Right before you got here, there was this...well he was a person at one point. He would get into your mind, use your fears against you, and then kill you to open a rift between this world and the place where he was trapped. The first one just so happened to be right here. [ With a chilling, sardonic grin, he opens his arms to gesture right at the spot where he's standing. ]
Lucky me, right?
no subject
Who was it?
[ That died here, he means. Because most people would have opted to move somewhere else. Some other place where the memories wouldn't be etched in the walls. ]
no subject
Chrissy Cunningham.
[ His voice cracks as he clenches his eyes shut and draws in a deep breath, letting it out shakily. ]
She just wanted something strong, to help her sleep. She didn't deserve any of it.
no subject
[ He'd like to know. He's glimpsed the scars left on everyone—the kids, Harrington, the girls. Nancy Wheeler has haunted eyes. He's seen that look and he only hopes that one day she'll get the chance to leave this town and come home to set her ghosts to rest. In all the years since he figured out the world was weirder than it should be, it's easier to move past shit if you're young. If the weirdness catches you when you're old enough, it has the bad tendency to leave scars. ]
I'm just here for you, okay?
no subject
I appreciate it, man. Maybe one day it'll be easier to talk about. Just...it still feels like it just happened, you know?
[ He knows he should leave this place behind. He isn't sure what's keeping him here, specifically rooted to this trailer. He could stay in Hawkins, find an apartment, not feel like he's completely abanodoning everything.
Maybe a small part of him feels like he needs to stay, rooted in guilt. ]
i hate life
This place will always have that touch of death. If Eddie chooses to stay, he'll have to learn to make peace with it. ] There's no timeline on grief, you know.
[ Tugging a cigarette from his pack and offering it to Eddie. ]
So. Now that you have your action plan for Hawkins' wayward prince, what else is on the agenda?
yeah about that i also hate life